unsheltered
Have you ever made a completely ridiculous joke - like way out of this world - about something happens, and then it actually happens? Well if you haven’t, let me kind of explain how it goes:
Scenario One
You’re just having a regular-ass day, you see a person across the way and jokingly say, “That’s bae right there.” - fast forward 7 months, that really does become bae, and you’re just stuck looking at yourself in the mirror wondering how you got to this point.
Scenario Two
You’re driving down a street bustling with homeless people and you joking say, “That’s going to be me one day” - fast forward a few months, and you’re having to live out a storage unit, while your baby is living in someone else’s house.
Scenario Three
You’re cruising through life going 100mph on the highway feeling “invincible AF” and you say some smart-ass joke to your passenger like, “Don’t worry. I got this! No cop has ever been able to catch me.” - fast forward a few seconds later, and you’re upside down on the highway looking at the lifeless corpse that used to be the love of your life.
* These are scenarios based off of both fact & fiction, but all are completely possible
Now I don’t mean to be hella downing this week, but this is just what happens whenever I read contemporary literature. This month I read Unsheltered by Barbara Kingsolver. No lie - this book was really good! There were a BUNCH of political discussion in this book, but the more important aspect of it was the question that the novel asks the reader; Who are you/ How do you live when the things that provides you shelter are taken away?
Shelter by definition means a place giving temporary protection from bad weather or danger.
a place providing food and accommodations for the homeless.
an animal sanctuary.
a shielded or safe condition; protection.
verb: protect or shield from something harmful, especially bad weather.
find refuge or take cover from bad weather or danger.
prevent (someone) from having to do or face something difficult or unpleasant.
protect (income) from taxation.
Shelter for people can be anything: structures, people, nature, and even work.
As humans & animals, our brains are wired to survive and to react to extreme stress naturally. So that’s the first layer of shelter that we instinctually have, but then as humans we go on to add more things to protect ourselves from even reaching that flight or fight response:
I don’t want to have to hunt for food, so I put hours of energy into work to afford getting groceries.
I don’t want to get hurt emotionally, so I don’t allow people to get close enough to do so.
I don’t want to fail, so I don’t try.
Completely valid, completely acceptable, but understand that thinking that way is not static. It’s all about neuroplasticity or the ability of the brain to change through the individual’s life. This has been a very popular topic amongst many psychologists in recent years. In an article for Psychology Today Dr. Jamie Aten summarizes in 3 ways to rewire your brain and hone your stress response.
Mindfulness: A popular method amongst millennials. Mindfulness is best described by Dr. Aten as, “paying attention on purpose to one’s body.” Now for some that means meditation (and that’s great for y’all) but for me, I get real antsy just sitting alone with my thoughts. Something that helped me is a guided mindfulness journal which introduces you to the practice in a low-pressure, go-as-you-will way. There are a lot, but the one that my friend got me is called “The Mindfulness Journal: Daily Practices, Writing Prompts, and Reflections for Living in the Present Moment” (Damn! That’s a mouthful!!) by S.J. Scott and Barrie Davenport. I’m not a HUGE believer in cosmic energies, but I do believe that there are some energies that we collide with that just shake us so deeply to our core that we just need to take some time to reflect on ourselves.
Situational Awareness: According to Dr. Aten, everyone from military tactical leaders and first responders swears by situational awareness. Situational awareness is like mindfulness, but from an external perspective. That could be something as small as realizing that the floor is wet, so you should process with caution, to as large as realizing that this person that came into your life is trying to help you understand yourself more. Dr. Aten writes that one way to engage situational awareness is to instead looking at everything in your environment at once, look at what doesn’t belong instead. Next, scan for pertinent information, and finally loop in new information as it is encountered; trying to stay mentally one step ahead.
Rehearsal: This one is somewhat self-explanatory. Rehearsal is preparing for the worst-case scenario. Depending on how someone utilizes this though, they can negatively affect themselves. If someone is constantly preparing for their partner to be unfaithful, and the way that they prepare for it by becoming private and cloistered - that’s not helpful for either party.
These are just 3 broad methods summarized from a few psychologist on how to help rewire your brain, but there are a lot of other books and studies on the topic, if you’d like more information. I definitely recommend taking some time this year to focus on yourself, and who knows you might come out of 2019 into 2020 viewing the world through a lens you didn’t know existed.
So I ask you, who are you/ how do you live when the things that provide you shelter are taken away?
